Hi, my name is frank and I am a recovering video game addict. Amongst other things… Nerd, Geek, Loser and now Sanctimonious Freak.
I’ve might have said variations of those words maybe a few thousand times over the course of the past 9 years. It and is sometimes hard to group those two words as my name and the word addict in a sentence. But I do feel that if the shoe fits, wear it. I am also very grateful for anonymity for some folks in virtual as well as real life are not understanding of the concept. Not for as much as ignorance, and there are some of the ignorant, but as the unbeknownst and the uneducated. Some people simply just do not know because they weren’t exposed to it. I don’t fault them or label them, neither do I label the people that seem to have a problem or even admitted to it. It’s not my place to judge, classify or label anyone.
“People who count do not judge, and people who judge to do not count” – common.
As I write this edition of Virtual Denial I will focus on fear. Fear is what I have found to be the common denominator amongst all addicts like myself. Fear of being labeled, judged and ostracized. Not by the born-again, bible thumping, finger wagging kind that bully the pulpit and tell you what or how to act from a religious standpoint. Fear from the other side of the fence, the “healthy” ones so to speak, the people who are quick to call us “nerds” or “geeks” or “losers” and even my new favorite: “sanctimonious freak”. I might keep it around awhile.
I’ve obvioiusly caught someones attention, now can we look at the 2 ton elephant sitting in the living room?
Names are a very personal and interesting part of character development. We choose them wisely and often get frustrated when we cannot get the one we want. Our name both in RL and virtual often is what proceeds us. It’s how we identify ourselves and how other people respond to us. Being in the virtual gives us certain freedoms and we can take certain risks on that identification process. Very easily can we mistake someone by the label floating over their heads and sometimes have trouble separating our mental label with the one we see. Some people work hard on their character so they don’t fall into any certain labeling characteristics: gimp, newbie, lowbie or even fag.
I spoke to Dan Bustard recently and one thing he did mention was the fact that Liz Woolley, the woman who lost her son to video game addiction and was running a “halfway house” for video game addicts. She introduced him as “the gamer”, instead of just as Dan. And eventually he left the house but took something with him, the fact as he didn’t like being called a gamer anymore. I don’t blame him.
For example, if a young lady has made a sexy character and just has had a bad day and is less than 100% amicable to us when we try to talk to them we label them bitch. Another example: when someone says something we don’t agree with we might call them asshole or moron or retard. All of which I have been called somewhere, somehow on the internet. If the shoe fits, wear it; oh well…I’ve been called every name in the book and sometimes vie for something original once in awhile. But this is the internet where people can take on random names and personas, with this added anonymity they feel empowered to say things they wouldn’t normally say in real life.
“The internet is an insane asylum run by the patients” – Unknown.
Part of this empowerment is what draws people to these online games as depicted in “Second Skin”, players’ view this as an escape and it affords them certain freedoms they don’t have in real life. At one point Edward Castronova describes a girl who hasn’t been able to leave the house a lot and climb the local social ladder; she turns to online games to feel as if she “fits in” and finds other people like her to become socially active with. Does that afford her the name as “gamer”, well according to the internet no, because she doesn’t play a lot of different games, she plays one. Now if she decides to spend all of her time online, shirking life’s responsibilities is she a loser? A geek? A freak? A nerd? Or do we slap some high brow scientific label on her as: “deep-seated underlying psychological problems which they use computer gaming to ameliorate in some self-medicating fashion” and shuffle off to eat a sandwich?
Not from my backyard.
There are some that will and some that won’t. I guess you actually have to “be there” to understand and to actually care. I was lucky because I was surrounded by people that cared and didn’t judge me or label me, they just helped. That is why I am here; I refuse to let this opportunity pass to speak out on something that I’ve been in contact with. Whether or not it helps one person or a million, I am only responsible for the effort, not the outcome.
At no point did I ever point my finger and say “you, you and you are all addicts”, don’t misread me or pick out what you wanted to pick out. I am just trying to help someone that might be having some type of compulsive behavior while playing video games. The feeling that I got was “not in my backyard” and that’s why I claimed denial. I was under the expectancy (my bad) that the community would acknowledge the presence of video game addiction. I was hoping for “hey, if you do play like they do it’s not what is intended as, it doesn’t have to be that way” … big mistake! And if you feel judged I am sorry, none this is aimed at anyone in particular, I just give examples of certain situations that I felt fit to make a point.
Some MMO players watched the movie with certain expectations, and were upset by the letdown of the movie not meeting their expectations. Just like I was from the community reaction, I am guilty as well but I have solutions. I went into it cold: Movie + MMORPG = Watch. I keep it simple. There were some very positive angles, successful relationships, strong friendships, new life and recovery.
And still to this moment people refuse to acknowledge that there are fellow “gamers” out there that are struggling with the same type of behavior as depicted in a “true-story” movie. Most hide their behavior with the fear that they might say something about it or let on they have a problem only to be labeled and called names by their peers. I know I did.
My point is, if you or anyone you know that has exhibited signs of compulsive internet or video game use there is no one that can really decide if you have a problem except yourself. If you did watch “Second Skin” and felt that you identified with some of the players, there is nothing wrong with you. There are other people out there like you and it is possible to live a normal, responsible life and play games online. Or even if there is something else you have a problem with, you are not alone and don’t have to live in fear of being labeled or judged. We are just different and there are a lot of people out there like ourselves.
Sanctimoniously yours,
Frank